1) Skipping class. Oh shut up, don’t judge me. Sometimes you have to. I mean take this Thursday for an example. I had a HUGE paper due at 2:30 and I wouldn’t even make a “C” if it didn’t contain at least 23 INSIGHTFUL points oozing with the sweat of genius, so you see, I basically had to skip all my classes before 2:30 pm so I could write a half-way decent essay. Also, sometimes you have to skip just because you have to. For my sanity, I make it a general rule to allow myself at least one class skip/class/semester. If you’re reading this and you’re my teacher, this is just a JOKE meant to make you laugh.

2) Try that unidentifiable stuff in the cafeteria. I cannot really knock the cafeteria. I mean they often have delicious looking entrees- for meat eaters, that is. As a vegetarian, I left with very few options. Grilled cheese. Salad. Cheese pizza. If Darryl is working, he’ll make me something delicious, but often I’m left with nothing but the GSC options. Those get old after awhile. So, sometimes, I’ll break down and apply the old college try to globbity-glob marked “Vegetarian.” Sometimes I get lucky, often I do not.

3) Saying new words/phrases. When I came to college, I had, what I believed to be an extensive vocabulary. I was wrong. I don’t how I lived all my life without the words and phrases I first learned at college. Let me share a few with you.

A. Muffin Noun, verb A term of endearment as in “You’re such a muffin;” a verb used to replace any verb you darn-well choose it to replace as in “He was muffin me off” or “I was muffin along when…”

B. Where have you been all my life? A phrase spoken after you have not seen someone for more than 2 hours.

C. I’m not gonna lie A phrase used an annoying amount at the beginning of sentences by people who are revealing something no one would ever accuse them of lying about, as in “I’m not gonna lie, I love broccoli.”

D. Precious/Darling Nouns, adjectives. Terms of endearment used  for anyone/anything you like or find attractive. Adjectives used to describe everything that isn’t covered in slime or boogers: i.e. 99.9 % of everything on earth, even if they are the last words you would normally used to describe something, as in “That air conditioner is darling.”

E. True story. A phrase that occurs at the end of a sentence (never a story) that no one would question the validity of, often used in conjunction with “I’m not gonna lie” as in “I’m not gonna lie, the sky is blue, true story.”

I could go on and on and but I’ll save some more college firsts for a later entry.