Last night, like most summer nights, I found myself winding down in my bed, channel surfing.  If Cops were on, I would have been all over that.  But since it wasn't, I surfed until I hit Open Water 2: Adrift.  Like the most boring train wreck imaginable, I had to watch this travesty occur. This straight to DVD sequel to Open Water tried to capitalize on the original film's surprise success by telling a different story of people treading water in the ocean for over an hour. 

If the Darwin Awards produced a movie, Open Water 2: Adrift would be that movie. The main antagonist of the movie is poor planning and stupidity.  This is a maritime thriller and yet there are no villainous pirates, no bloodthirsty sharks, no giant squids, not even menacing sea gulls.  There's just some horny partiers who, in their hedonistic quest for the most fun ever, forget to lower the ladder to their million dollar yacht before diving into the water.  With no ladder back on board, six sexy singles wade helplessly in the water, with threats of pruning and sun burn closing in on them.

 It should be said at this point that among the six is a woman who is afraid of water.  She is the only one with a life jacket on, and also has her baby with her on board.  Why a woman who is deathly afraid of drowning would agree to take herself and her child on a boat piloted by a rookie 20-something meat head named Dan is beyond me.  In any case, she's stuck in the water with her baby stranded on board.

Their first attempts to get back on the boat are pathetic; they slap their hands against the side of the boat, hoping for Spider-Man like abilities to climb up the smooth wall.  For a second attempt, Dan grabs the dangling American flag and tries to climb it back up to the deck, but the flag quickly rips.  When that happens, they just kind of give up and start screaming at Dan for being such a moron.  After a good bit of treading water, Dan's cell phone rings.  His cell phone is conveniently in a pocket of a jacket that is inexplicably now hanging from the side of the boat.  Dan grabs the cell phone, answers the call, but fails to communicate with the person on the other end.  Angry, he chucks the phone into the ocean.  Dan gets the business from the others yet again.

More treading ensues, until another fellow somehow manages to bash his head off the side of the boat, giving him a skull fracture, as evidenced by the blood pouring from his ear.  Before he dies, he manages to give Dan a good punch in the face.  They resume treading until a girl decides that enough is enough and she's just going to drown herself. She does, and treading resumes.

By now the evening is coming on, and none of the four that are still alive have made any other attempts at getting back on the boat.  Zach produces a knife and announces that he's going to use it to climb back into the boat.  He jams the knife into the hull and starts to lift himself up.  Dan sees his million dollar yacht being stabbed and jumps on Zach.  In the ensuing struggle, Zach gets knifed something fierce and the knife sinks to the depths.  Zach dies shortly after, sending Dan's stock plummeting.  They tread.

One of the girls eventually decides that even though land is not visible in any direction, she ought to try and swim back to land.  She sets off, and is never heard from again.

With just two folks left, Dan and the chick who is afraid of water, night sets in.  Dan decides that he's going to search for the knife that is thousands of feet down.  When he fails, he smashes his plastic goggles against the side of the boat.  As he picks up the pieces, he realizes that he might be able to climb up the boat using the shard of goggle in much the same way Zach tried to use the knife.  He jams the plastic into the side of the boat and orders the girl to use it as a foothold.  After a short struggle, she manages to pull herself onto the boat.  She lowers the ladder then rushes to tend to her baby.

Dan can now come on board, but he feels guilty for killing his friends.  He decides to drift away to certain death.  Unfortunately for him, the girl sees him and goes back in the water to save him.

This is where it gets confusing.  The camera blacks out.  When the next scene starts, it is morning.  A sailor in another boat approaches the yacht, but sees no one on board.  He hears the baby screaming and crying.  The scene changes, and we see the girl standing on the yacht.  There is no sailor in sight, and Dan's body, alive or dead, is lying on the deck.  The camera blacks out and, mercifully, the movie ends.