Recently I’ve seen a lot of Facebook photo albums full of incriminating pictures. They show lots of freshmen and lots of beer within a close proximity of one another. It makes me wonder why so many people are compelled to drink. After careful analysis of many, many, idiotic photos of the same goofy kids doing the same goofy things, I think I’ve found a common link in almost all of them: the humble red plastic cup.

Wherever there is a photo album including the words “party,” “beer,” “wild,” “crazy,” or “good times,” the red cup is there (To my dismay, albums promising “Good Times” never includes photos of the Evans family in 1970’s Chicago). Everyone looks so proud and excited to be in possession of the red cup; they always have it at chest-height or higher. Sometimes they are so enthused by their red cup that they deliberately cover their faces with the red cup, as if they are admitting that the red cup is the real focus of the picture, not them.

The emphasis on the red cup leads me to believe that the red plastic cup is a status symbol. I have seen enough television shows and movies where a teen throws a weekend party while his parents are out of town to know that the red cup is the critical element to a great party. Without this clutch symbol of teen rebellion in hand, a partygoer is emasculated before his peers, a Sober Sally and likely a Lame-O as well.

I’m told by experts on the subject that there are even punishments for being foolish and abandoning your symbolic red cup. Other zealous cupbearers who notice an unattended red cup will supposedly drop things of varying danger into the cup, thus teaching the negligent person a valuable lesson.

While Saint Vincent College is not a dry campus, alcohol is not allowed in St. Benedict dorm. Alcohol is still in the building. Alcohol will likely always be in the building. But if SVC were serious about stopping underage drinking, they would take the logical step of banning the plastic red cup. This action would demoralize teenage drinkers who drink all night long just so that someone sees their red cup.