Helping Your Student Make the Most of the Residence Hall Experience

Sending a child to college may be a new experience for you or it may be old hat by now.  Regardless, the college experience will undoubtably bring about a new phase of your relationship with your son or daughter.  Your student will encounter  challenges, successes, emotions, and growth along the way.

You can be supportive of him or her during the first year in several ways:

• Show an interest but don't be intrusive - There are many new things going on in your son or daughter's life right now.  Demonstrate that you care by asking questions and showing a genuine interest. If the student isn't talking don't press the issue.  Give him or her some time and let them dictate when is a good time to converse.
• Give your student some room to get adjusted to college and the residence hall - It may be hard, but giving your son or daughter space during the first few months can be very important to his or her adjustment.  Limit the frequency and duration of phone calls home or to the student.  Spend more time talking about all the great things going on at college rather than on what the student is missing at home. Refrain from sharing your own worries and emotions about your child moving away to college.  Also, encourage your son or daughter to spend weekends at school and limit the number of visits home.  While these things may be difficult for both parent and student at times, they do help both become accustomed to the new situation.
• Let your student solve his or her own problems - As a parent, it is natural to want to step in to help your student when he or she is having a problem.  However, by solving the problem for them, you rob the student of a valuable educational experience.  Problem solving is a skill that every adult needs.  When your student is faced with an issue--roommate conflict, class scheduling difficulty, financial aid concern--encourage him or her to find a solution.  You can be there to offer support and guidance, but let them handle it.  The more experience the student gets dealing with problems the better he or she will become at handling them.
• Understand that the student will become more independent - He or she will be faced with a great deal of responsibility and will be held accountable by others. The student is responsible for determining who he or she spends time with, when to go to bed, what to eat for dinner, how much studying is necessary, and how to budget money.  You may not always agree with his or her choices but you can be supportive and sensative to this new time in their life.
• Communicate clearly and upfront about what your expectations for break periods are going to be - Your son or daughter has been living differently than when he or she was at home.  When break times rolls around, don't assume everything will be just like it was before.  Be sure to clearly communicate what curfews are in place, how much time should be spent with the family vs. friends, and what house rules are in place.  Being upfront will make things go much smoother.